You didn’t want me
Unfortunately
The mirror shows me
The image of a girl
Stuffed and zipped inside of a woman
That doesn’t blame you
I can barely stand myself
And now
I live
Day by day
Expecting rejection
Lost connections
The lack of affection
My whole life has been an infection
Of you
I sat
Waiting for you
To never come
Head in my hands
I could not cry
I just wanted to support
The weight of my thoughts
The weight of my heart
Floating
Before kicking
Little fractures into my skull
Repeatedly
Repeatedly
Repeatedly
I ask, dejectedly
Did you forget about me?
Time has placed you here with me
Created your presence
From particles of imagination
So I experienced you
And
I tried to erase you
To pry your lips from the body of my memory
I thought I ran away
But the freedom your love provided
Captivated me
Seemingly crazy
I
Still
Feel
Your
Hands
Though I never felt them at all
Dreaming and assuming…
In your hair,
I can smell the hint of cigarette smoke
Covered by jasmine incense
And a laugh escapes me
Because you were never good at hiding anything
Selfishly
Like a cheap magician
I disappeared
Yet never left this box
That is my soul
Allowed the knives to pierce me whole
Practically saw me in half
All to say goodbye
When I never really said hello
You filled me
Gripped me
Held me
Kissed me
With only a voice
And a picture
Dreams of island getaways
Sex on beaches
Covered in the sands of treason
Evading reality
To explore
A world
Least like my own
Away from home
And in your arms
Again
To YOU with love…
I’ve been gone for a while
Let my tears freeze
In place upon my face
Trails symbolic of my journey
Close to my lips
And now I speak
To say I missed you so
I missed seeing my reflection
In your eyes
I missed tracing my finger
Along your lips
And disappearing in your embrace
Like a shield
You covered me
But I am not weak
Wearing this armor
The WHOLE armor
Preparing to live without you
Though always reaching out to you
Blue…
I wasn’t a fool
I wanted to fall for you
To dream of your face
So many miles away
To dare take a taste
As I closed my eyes
Listening to your voice–
I miss your voice
And the accented comfort
That it brings
I miss sipping tea
While reading your rhymes
Taking time
That wasn’t mine
To indulge in every bit of you
Laying out on this stage
Wishing you could join me
In my fantasies
Sweaty, clasped fingers
Entwined legs
Music screaming
Torsos thumping to the beat
Like an 808
But that day won’t come
Though tomorrow will
I am
Watching you roll over
To reach an itch
Fingers digging
As a sigh of relief
Escapes your mouth
Your shirt is tattered,
Covered in a substance
I won’t begin to guess
Sweatpants torn at the knees
The waistband twisted around
Now you snarl
And all I can do is gasp
For breath
Searching for the spray
That usually sits at your side
I try to catch a glimpse of your face
To remind myself of who you are
But now hair covers you in the form of
An overgrown beard, mustache, sideburns
And that once hidden widows peak
That almost meets in the middle of your eyebrows
Luckily, you are asleep
And my disgust is hidden deep
Next year you turn forty and
I will trade you in for two twenties
I was looking up to nothing
Succumbing to the ice in your blue eyes
Teeth chattering and fingers blackening
It was all about you
But maybe you would warm to me
I thought and prayed in vain
Emotionally tied to the tracks
While you were the train
But eventually
I got away
Lived to tell the tale another day
And you hide inside
Hoping your compliments
Would complement
This wave of sanity that I am having
This spark in time
I am happy
Without you
 | Soma on Gentleman |
 | "Brad" on Being Blue |
 | Alcaics on Narcissist |
 | Scot on Narcissist |
 | alina on Braille |
