Self-Image

Close your eyes

To see what I see

The splendor of your beauty

Shines around me

Touch your heart

Feel it beat

Life’s gentle reminder

Oh, so sweet

Fall asleep

For me, do dream

To find yourself—

A picture that gleams

You Aren’t Real

You said cowardice was never your style
Some days you were a Christian
Others, just a girl-gone wild
Cheap shots taken
And called friendship
You storm away when
People are tired of your shit
Couldn’t live my own life
Had to live by your wishes
Or your behavior
Turns to poisoned kisses
“Oh nothings wrong!”
“I am just fine!”
While talking behind my back
Saying I crossed the line
Being told I’m the best
While being despised
But I guess you were okay
For all your lies?
Criticism and rejection
Steam rolled from your mouth
Then you slap on an “I like you”
When things go south
Was our friendship ending?
Was always my fear
Like a coward does
You disappear
Agree with you
So you can reappear
Because I’m not perfect
Without money,
I wasn’t worth it
A simple glance into our plight
The Son shined and I saw the light
Saw your face for what it was
A scarred and scared soul
Hiding behind a sweet mask
Being friends with you was good
As long as the good would last
You didn’t like me standing
It made you seem less important
But the funny thing is
I still thought you were worth it
I used to cry to see your face
Photos showing what I wish I could erase
The pain the lack of closure did embrace
I want to forgive you
For you, I want to pray
It’s just so hard
To pick up the shards
Of what things used to be
I want to be happy
Of you, finally free

Cast the First Stone

He who has not…
Every one has
Yet you
Break my bones
With your stones
Fill my ears with your hatred
Revulsion
Dripping from your eyes
You are blind
To
See
ME
Rip to shred my beauty
Call it names
Label it a shame
Fan your flames
Across my face
Yet I am considered
The disgrace

America

God of War

Land of the free
Home of the brave
Talon clutched
Stars and stripes
Bow to you
Fall to you
Pray to you
Criticized and fantasized
Spoiled work ants
Busy
Grasping
For wealth
Breaking and stopping hearts
Death
Deflated dollars
Buried in closed coffins
Closed minds spit game
Trade names
Or stocks
Rock to rock
Hip hop
Tap out some jazz
Twang twang a guitar
For the future
From shoes
Blues squeaking
Politicians speaking
Through clenched teeth
Try to catch a dream
Never as it seems
Deferred till you learn
The meaning of deferred
Houses on mall price tags
Hug your ass
Missing class
Books you can’t afford
Engorged and falling on the sword
Of greed
I need
I need
I need
THINGS
NOT
Family
Lies
Trying to hide
Tears cried
Social suicide
Burning in invisible flames
At this stage
Either him or her
It will still be the same

I Couldn’t Be

She always wanted children
But now I’ve grown up
And left the nest empty
Much sooner than she would’ve let it
Her work here was done
I didn’t make her feel needed anymore
And now she’s moved on
To find a project new
Someone to befriend
Something to do
She left me behind
Cleared the roof from my sky
Gave me room to fly

I couldn’t be her baby anymore
I couldn’t make her breathe again
Give something to live for again
I couldn’t be her baby anymore

I took note of her advice
Slowly tried to improve my life
I never thought she’d hate me
For doing what I could
I never thought I’d be despised
For doing what I should
I thought we watch our friends grow
Then enjoy the fruit of the seeds sown
But I was wrong
I didn’t take as long
To grow up some, be mature
Give her more mothering to endure
Flip the script, shock my heart
Rejection rolls when her lips part
Now these tears won’t hold back
It’s not that easy
That’s a fact
 
I couldn’t be her baby anymore
I couldn’t make her breathe again
Give something to live for again
I couldn’t be her baby anymore

I couldn’t be her baby anymore….I just wanted to be her friend.

Friendshit 2

Replacements have been made
Goodbyes said
But still no tears to cry
I can’t cry over you
But over my wasted time
Trying to
Influence,
Enrich,
And befriend bitches
Got me to this point
My friendship was worth nothing
Though I know it was something
I sat wondering what I could do
To get through to you
To become someone you respect
And realized it depended on what you could get
Damn,
Should I have bought a new car?
Should I have gotten a house or an apartment far away?
To have more than you
Seems to be the only way
To be kept around
BOUND
As your friendshit was bondage in the worst way
Being nothing but giving everything
Then hearing complaints
Because you’re the victim
But not the victim of your fucked up decisions
I was flooded with your lies
Spoken without a blink of an eye
And I just sat
Smiled and nodded
Like a negotiator
Keeping you calm
Keeping you sane
No one knows that you are really nothing
Just a mere speck in a game
You were never good enough to play
Is this hard to say?  Of course-
Ending a friendship feels like a divorce.

Friendshit

My eyes are closed

But I’m staring at your face

I feel my own hate

Beginning to choke me

And you scream

Not in misery

But in delight

That it’s not you

Only me,

Only me

 

You shove me away

Then I hear your cries

For I have fallen

Tired of fighting

Allowing the pushes and the nudges

To take control

Defining our destiny

Gone, until you again need me

 

I wish you to disappear

But you remain all too clear

A broken heart

Poisoning others

Now you got me

You make me feel so worthless

Yet so needed

All at the same time

 

And I am blind

Because I can’t say

That I always have this much rage

So, your game I play

A pawn of silence

A mere speck

At your beck and call

When you rose

And when you fall

 

I shall remain

Even when I try to run away

Even when, like today,

I hate the very image of your face

I will press on

To be the only one

Ever truly there for you

I hope you are worth it.

 

I hope you become

The woman you’re supposed to be

I hope you become the mother

You are supposed to be

I hope you become

The friend you are supposed to be

That way, all this pain would have been worth it